Derailed

Surgeon General's Warning: This Blog is not a safe alternative to cigarettes

Times they are a changin’

  It was time for a change.  A color change.  You may have already noticed the lack of Magnetman inspired color theme around here, and wondered why.  You may have not noticed.  You may have noticed and not wondered.  It is unlikely that you did not notice and still wondered why, because that would be preposterous.  If you noticed, congratulations, you’ve been paying attention.  If not, you may skip this post and read another, though if you find yourself reading the “Magnetman” post, you may become slightly confused.  In that case please sit on the floor, put your head between your knees, and breathe deeply until you forget what was going on. 

  For the rest of you, I have an explanation.  The color scheme that I was using made it difficult to read larger paragraphs of material.  The white lettering on the dark red background caused my eyes to skip around a little when reading large blocks of text.  When previewing or editing an article I would frequently lose the line I was on and have to scan a bit before finding my place again.  This is not conducive to good flow, so I decided to change the color settings to better accommodate reading.  This is after all a blog, most of it being filled with words.

  Anyone who read the “Magnetman” post is probably expecting a long, less-than-completely-lucid tirade on How I came up with the colors that now grace this page.  Well, um, I’m sorry, but I’m feeling a little too clear headed today to ramble off on a color inspired pipe dream.  My choice came down to picking colors that would help facilitate easy reading.  Thusly, I decided for the main text area to go with the light grey, because I find it easier on the eyes than pure white when reading on a computer screen.  I wanted to make sure this time to be able to use standard black text, because the white text was definitely part of the problem before.  That helped lead me to the green color that I chose, because when using the color wheel in the appearance section, the color key comes up in either black or white over the selected color, depending on how dark it  is.  That helped me stay in an area where black text would show better than white.  Also, I like green. 

  So there you have it.  Probably my most dry and boring post yet.  Just keeping the readers up to date though, I’m sure we will return to our irregularly scheduled ramble shortly.  Thank you.

Don’t split the party! or How I learned to stop worrying and love 4th Edition

  Despite being in the middle of an armed encampment several regiments in size, Lea’s nightly routine didn’t change much from the usual.  After setting up her tent and taking care of her nightly ablutions, she made one last mental check on her familiar.  Still out chasing spine lizards?

  No,  came Lily’s reply, I found a mole!  Now if I can just get to it…

  Lea left the tiny sphinx to it’s hunting and prepared for her deep meditation, her people’s form of sleep.  Zandak and Jaeger were already snoring deeply in their own tent a few feet away, and Bairn was probably either asleep or on one of his usual late night rambles.  Settling down comfortably, Lea eased herself into her trance, breathing deeply and unfocusing her eyes.

  Suddenly, the world came back into clarity.  Something was wrong.  Lea noticed a thin tendril of purple fog curling in through the flap on her tent.  Instantly alert and ready for trouble, she snatched her battle scarred wand from beside her and headed out to see what was going on.  Outside, the fog was thicker and piled high.  Even with her race’s extraordinary vision it was impossible to see more than a dozen yards.  Well this can’t be good.  “Z!  Get your ass up!  Jaeger, come on!”  she yelled, trying to rouse her companions.  The sound warped and twisted in the fog, a wispy echo coming back to her.  She strained to remember where they had pitched their tent, but looking around Lea quickly realized she couldn’t tell one direction from any other.  Hmm, probably a Fog of Confusion then.  I’ll just have to see if I can find them.  Though more yelling can’t really hurt.  “Z, get up!  We’re under attack!”  She shouted, “probably anyway” she said under her breath.  Wait, what was that?

 

  Zandack lifted one scaled eyelid and peered bleaily around his tent.  “Lea?”  he mumbled grogily.  His eyes widened and he was instantly awake when he saw the creeping mist entering his tent.  “Lea!”  He shouted as he leaped off of his bedroll and rushed outside.  He shortly realized he wasn’t going to find her by sight in the fog.  “Lea, where are you?”  he shouted into the fog, only to hear his words roll back to him from every side, altered by the mist.  He heard several thumps and the heavy clank and jangle of armor settling into place from inside the tent.

  “What is it?”  asked Jaeger, still struggling with his heavy boots.

  “Bad”, replied Zandak “when you’re ready take watch so I can grab my gear.”  The two switched places, Jaeger looking out for trouble or any sign of the others while Zandak hurridly donned his extensive managerie of armor and battle items.  Less than two minutes later he picked up his greatsword and felt the familiar tingle of electricity running up and down it’s blade.  “Come on, we’ve got to find the others.”

  Whatever it is I don’t think it’s friendly, Lea thought to herself as the figure, barely a shadow amongst the fog, let forth another stream of violet light from it’s hand to strike at a blurry sihouette.  The hazy image seemed to shrink in on itself a bit before hitting the ground.  Yeah, I doubt it’s the paymaster here with my wages.  Her wand began to warm in her hand as she mentally prepared herself for combat.  “Hey ugly,” she called, thinking it was peoably true, “Over here!”  As she stalked forward, the figure became clearer.  A fleshless face turned towards her.  Pinpoints of light set deep in it’s sockets glared it’s hatred as it swung it’s arm towards her, bones clicking as they moved.  Black, crackling energy shot forth, sizzling through the air where Lea had been moments before, her quick reflexes saving her from whatever damage it may have caused.  Dammit, I’m not supposed to take this kind of abuse.  Where’s my fighter when I need him?

 

  “Let’s try this way”  Jaeger said, pointing slightly off to their right, “I think Lea’s tent was over there.”  Zandak was about to reply when a body, crumpled over it’s own mid section from a massive blow, came sailing out of the fog across their path.  Niether bothered to check on the man, as a crunching pop came from his neck as he landed.  Instead, both warriors looked towards the source of the devastating hit.  Coming into view from the fog, armor scaping against bone, a hulking skeletal knight trudged by along the edge of their sight until it seemed to take notice, turning to square off against them. 

  “Or we could fight this guy, because I don’t think he’s going to help us search for the others.”   Zandak said, hefting up on his greatsword to get a better grip.

  “Or that.” 

  Zandak lept forward towards the knight, hoping to make a telling first strike.  His sword swung down, ringing off of the knight’s shield, grinding away until the Draconian fighter was forced to step back or lose his balance.  Meanwhile, uttering a short prayer to his goddess, Jaeger tore at the knight’s being with a burst of light, hurting it and shifting it’s attention to himself.  Faster than either would have thought possible, the undead knight rushed up to Jaeger, slamming him with it’s shield and then coming across the other way with it’s longsword, leaving blood dribbling out of a rent in his armor.  Jaeger found himself hemmed in by sword and shield, little able to move.  Undeterred he tried to shift back to bring his thundering hammer into play, managing only to leave himself open after his swing failed to connect.  The lack of muscle on it’s bones didn’t appear to bother the knight at all as it’s devastating lunge sheared a sliver of steel from the paladin’s armor and plunged into his side.  While Jaeger stumbled back from the attack, the knight pulled it’s sword free and swung again at the human, crushing a pauldron and inflicting even  more damage.  Zandak stared in shock at the power the Death Knight displayed.  “Oh, crap.” he said.

  Oh, crap thought Lea, as another black bolt sailed her way.  Unable to get out of the way in time, she hissed in pain as the bolt struck her arm, turning the skin black and opening wounds that oozed dark, unhealthy looking blood.  In response she sent a curl of lightning towards the undead sorcerer, slamming into it and sending electricity skittering along it’s bony frame.  As it readied it’s next attack, seemingly unfazed by the powerful strike, Lea growled to herself.  That’s the problem with the undead, they never let you know if you’ve hurt them.  With more hostile magic on it’s way, she fervently hoped backup would arrive soon.  As if in answer, a figure streaked from the fog.  How dare you try to keep me from mother, she’s mine!  The words echoed in Lea’s head.  It was Lily.  Having borrowed her “mother’s” fey step ability, she had appeared right in the middle of the battle.  Still flying at top speed she employed the gift bestowed upon her by the spirit of a dragon, and shimmering blue monstrous forelegs smashed the necromancer into the ground.  As Lily wheeled in triumph, she fogot the lesson Lea had just learned.  Still on its back, the necromancer unleashed one of the purple pulses of light Lea had seen earlier.  “Lily, look out!” Lea screamed, but the violet energy swatted Lily from the sky.  Earlier, Lea had witnessed this spell wither its targets as they fell dead.  Now she feared for her familiar as Lily lay upon the ground, and her form too began to change.  But instead of wilting, she began to grow.  Her tawny legs grew longer, her delicate feet now massive paws.  Her wings lengthened to an enormous span.  She added hundreds of pounds of muscle in seconds.  All the while her cry altered from a kitten’s pain into the battle roar of a lion.  Transformation complete, Lily stood up and faced the necromancer, “You, soulless puppet, have just made a very big mistake.”  said Lily. 

  Wrenching his sword from the Death Knight’s shattered collar bone, Zandak spun to take advantage of the inertia of the huge blade coming free.  The mighty backswing drove deep into the hip of his adversary, warping armor and crushing more bone.  Not content with the damage he had already done, Zandak pushed himself to strike again before the knight could recover.  Lightning crackling along it’s edge, the huge blade swung down, around and up into the knight’s armpit, or where such a thing would be on a living creature.  It struck through the upper arm, nearly severing it completely.  Zandak settled back into  more defensive stance, unable to maintain such ferocity for long.  “How do you like that, bonehead?”  He asked.  The knight replied by swiveling its skull towards the fighter, and smiling.  Skulls being what they are, this was no mean feat, but Zandak was certain he saw the jaw itself bend upwards at the edges, giving new meaning to the term ‘rictus grin’.  “Because that’s not creepy or anything” he told the skeleton sarcastically.  The Death Knight opened his jaw and vomitted hellfire at the dragonborn’s feet, causing the ground to erupt, pummelling Zandak with fire, dirt and flying rock.  Striding forward to capitalize on the damage it had inflicted, the knight was abruptly knocked sideways from a hammer blow to the head fom Jaeger.  He had taken the respite during Zandak’s offensive charge to heal himself somewhat, and now waded in to help his friend.  He was still hurt enough that his blows were more distracting than damaging, but if he could get the enemy’s attention on him, then Zandak, with his incredible strength, could hopefully finish the damned thing off.  Jaeger just hoped they were up to it after the punishment they had been taking.

  Warring thoughts knocked around in Lea’s head, trying to recieve too much input at once.  Her psychic link with her familiar was pouring through every sensation that Lily was experiencing.  Sight, sound, and smells fought with thoughts, strategy, and formulae as the sphinx processed the world as a puzzle spread out before her.  Disparate  facts and feelings formed points of data that interconnected, assembling into a logical whole that laid itself out before them both.  As the chaos subsided into ordered thought, Lea was stunned.  As a Spellstorm Mage, she was used to the feeling of magic swirling about her in tempest rage at all times, waiting to be harnessed to her will and flung at ther enemies.  But now the arcane energies surrounding her came in all the subtle variations of the weather; some tendrils of magic cooler, slower, and heavy, while others raced by carrying light or heat as they swept around and through their surroundings.  As she realized that she could sense the variations in the magic flowing around her, Lea reached out gathering a patch of slow, hot, and heavy energy that easily conformed to what she wanted.  ”You need to consider your target when casting a spell.  A curse that ages it’s victim a hundred years works great on a human, but a sphinx is nearly immortal.”  she said, raising her wand at the slowly standing necromancer, “Now for the undead, the best magic is radient of course, but I don’t have any of that, so I’ll just have to make do with Acid Splash!“  The wave of acid was easily half again as large as she was used to, and cascaded over the skeleton’s form with devastating results.  The tattered robes it wore were dissolved instantly, and half of the ribs beneath sloughed away under the corrosive torrent.  The rest of the necromancers body was pitted and scored as the spell dripped away back into the aether.

  Lily glared at the fiend, “You might also consider that bones contain hollows and pockets of fluid, making them likely to explode under intense heat, like that of a Fireball!“  A conflageration of energies detonated around the still reeling necromancer, setting it ablaze and cracking and rupturing it’s bones.  Finally, the magic that held it together in undeath failed, leaving a collapsing pile of burnt and dissolved shards to fall to the earth.

  ” I guess you can borrow my spells now too?”  Lea asked, looking over Lily’s new form.  It was a little unsettling to see that her eight month old sphinx was now as tall as she was at the head and and outwieghed her by three or four hundred pounds.  “Mooooom” Lily whined, “I’m just a little bigger now, I don’t wiegh that much more.” she said self conciously, having picked up on Lea’s thoughts.  Lea laughed, “I’t's okay Lily, It will just take a bit of getting used to is all.  Now let’s see if we can find the others in this soup before they get in trouble without us.”

  Zandak shook his head, that last blow having rung his bell pretty good.  Come on, get it together.  This thing can’t have much more in it.  It’s got more bones broken than whole.  He waited for Jaeger to taunt it again with another weak strike, too wounded at this point to do much more than keep it flanked and it’s attention split between them.  As the knight turned to ward off the blow with it’s shield, Zandak put everything he had into one last swing.  Muscles straining to put every last bit of speed and power into the strike, the teeth of his blade sizzled as it swept through the air.  Zandak’s furious roar alerted the Deathknight to the attack, but it only managed to turn it’s head, it’s fleshless face looking up into the descending weapon.  Splinters of bone exploded away from it’s nasal ridge as the attack connected, the force of the blow caving the skull inward and tearing it from the spine.  The rest of the body soon followed the head to the ground in a sower of   bone fragments, armor, and dust.  “Ha” He panted, still trying to catch his breath, “take that you ass”.

  He was wrestling the breastplate off of the Deathknight’s ribcage when he heard a faint shout.  “Lea?  Hey, We’re over here!”  he called.

  “Finally” Lea said as her companions came into sight, “I was hoping I could find you before trying to dispell this fog.  It’ll take me twenty minutes or so and I’d rather have you guarding my back while I do.”  A rumbling noise came from the fog behind her.  “Not that you couldn’t handle it Lily, but the more the merrier, right?” she called over her shoulder. 

  Zandak looked up from his work, “What was that noise?”  he said just as Lily stepped out of the fog towards him.  “Gah!  Uh, Lily?  Is that you?”  he asked the sphinx that was suddenly somehow larger that he was.  “Wow, you grew up.”

  “Um, Yeah…” Lily said shyly, still unsure of her instant growth spurt.

 ” And you can talk!” Zandak said, surprized

  “I could always talk” Lily informed him, “You just didn’t know how to listen.”

  “Huh” Looking for a change in topic to get him back on more familiar ground, Zandak said “Um, Lea?  I think this breastplate is magical.  Can you tell what is is?”

  “Let’s have a look.”  As she quested out with her senses, ‘reading’ the aura given off by the armor, Zandak noticed a sieries of symbols that looked a lot like the ones on his helmet, gauntlet, and boots.  Looking up at each other the fighter and the mage both exclaimed “It’s the Plate of War!”

————————————————————————————-

  Although I took some liberty with dialogue, timing, and what attacks were used when during the episode, this is basically what happened during the second half of our game session last week.  Jesse plays Zandak, a Dragonborn Fighter, and Brenna plays Lea, an Eladrin Wizard with her sphinx familiar Lily, who she saved from being sacrificed by some lizardmen earlier in the campaign.  Jaeger is a human Paladin NPC who I use to drop infomation and quests onto the players, as well as hang around as the party healer.  I don’t consider myself a terribly good GM, but my players seem to be having a good time, so I’m satisfied.  This is just a small example of some of the troubles that befall the group on their quest to save the world, or at least it’s largest continent.  If you are familier with the Monty Hall  theory of gaming, we’ve been running  The Full Monty the whole time.  It’s been fun, and I’ve even enjoyed being the GM which is normally a huge chore for me.  This is our first foray into 4th Edition D&D, and I have to say I’m impressed.  While I do not wish to get into an argument with those that espouse 3.5 and think 4th ed was terrible, I would like to point out the main difference I have found between them.  In 3.5 you can choose from innumerable options outside the game to create your character, and then in game you use what you have chosen to best effect.  This is desirable becuase you can specialize into niches and no two characters ever have to be the same.  In 4th edition there are far fewer options (classes, feats, etc) with which to build a character, meaning there are only a half dozen ways to make a fighter, a half dozen to make a cleric, whatever.  But what it excells at is choices in game.  While a 3.5 fighter might specialize in great cleave and position himself to use that ability every chance he can, a 4th edition fighter can look at the situation and choose from his exhaustive list of attacks and pick the best one for the situation.  The difference in characters usually comes down to how they’re played, not the numbers on their sheet.  It is a style that suits me and I like it quite a bit, though I understand those who prefer the 3.5 system and why it appeals to them more.  The argument between them shouldn’t be about which one is better or worse objectively, it should be about personal preference and style.  It just so happens that more people have a preference for 3.5 and I am in a minority of the gaming community.  Cool with me, I’m having fun listening to the sphinx try to convince the dragonborn to buy her a clutch of eggs for breakfast at the market as the eladrin lectures her on the virtues of eating her vegetables.

Drip, drip, drip

  How handy, the Spacklecube.  A blockish container into which I can pour the thoughts that would otherwise leak from my head never to be remembered.  Presumably made from a substance excellent for sealing up the gaps and cracks of ideas slowly dripping away from my mind.  I appreciate this cube.  It is good to me.

  I’ve recently had some thoughts that I know will pass away if I don’t set them down here.  The world may never forgive Cyrus for preserving them.

  It occurred to me recently that that first colony ship of many science fiction worlds features a standard drive spaceship with the inhabitants in cold sleep.  They would set out into space, relying on machinery to not only guide them flawlessly to their intended destination, but also remain in perfect functioning order for hundreds or thousands of years, many times even longer than that.  My personal computer is about six years old now, and is starting to crack up a little.  My wife’s car is ten, and has us deathly worried that it won’t make it until we can afford a new one, presumably next year some time.  I have personally never owned an ipod that functioned more than three months.  You may see where I’m going with this.  But that’s okay, the inevitable technological maladies of such a trip were not my primary focus when I was thinking about this.  What really interested me was the thought that many of these same stories have a later generation of faster than light drives that can get people to systems dozens or hundreds of light years away in weeks, days, hours, or sometimes seconds.  So it occurred to me that it was not only possible, but probable, that the first colonists to set out, looking for some untouched frontier and expecting pristine ecology would arrive only to find a fully blown advanced civilization in place on planet.  These more modern peoples would probably find these ancient starfarers quaint at best, and possibly backwards at most.  Those colonists recently woken from their cold sleep would have been on the cutting edge of technology, space travel, and knowledge when they left, only to arrive in a world where they are hopelessly out of date.  It would be a sad, depressing mockery of when Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan brought Ghengis Khan, Joan of Ark, Socrates, and Napoleon to 20th century America.  I could only hope that the “native” civilization would have by then developed hypno-learning or cyberknowledge implants to quickly bring these wayward beings up to speed.  Also I suppose there would be medical issues on both sides.  Diseases and bacteria unseen for hundreds of years would be reintroduced, and the native viral ecology would be just as devastating to the new arrivals.  All told it would make for an interesting story.  I’m sure someone somewhere has already written it, and I just have yet to read it.  If not, I’m certainly not the man for the job, my writing skills being nowhere near up to the task of fully detailing such a world.

  On an utterly unrelated note, I had an interesting conversation with my wife that led to a series of intriguing if particularly blasphemous ideas. Brenna was raised Catholic and went to Catholic schools throughout her primary and secondary educational years.  Not only that, but she was taught by Jesuits, who are willing to really take a look at their religion and question things.  So she is my go to person for christian information in general, and Catholic info specifically.  So I had asked her about communion.  I was curious at what point did transubstantiation occur?  It was my thought that it occurred upon the Eucharist entering the body, since that would seem to make sense from a religious standpoint and make it seem less like you are taking a chunk of Jesus flesh and popping into your mouth, then washing it down with some blood of your savior.  Sorry, not being a part of the religion I think it’s weird and I have trouble using solemn words to describe an action that sounds mildly terrifying to me.  Anyway, I was informed that at a traditional mass, a bell will be rung twice, once for the bread and once for the wine.  It is at these ringings that transubstantiation occurs.  It was at that point a though occurred to me (at this point I know you are thinking “uh oh, this won’t be good”, and you’re right).  The priest is standing there, holding a cup of blood from God himself.  Would it be possible to extract DNA from that wine?  That would be awesome.  Not only that, but it would rather prove transubstantiation had occurred, miracles happen, God exists conclusively, etc.  And then I had a second thought on the heels of the first (“Oh no, now what”, you say).   In theory God is omni-benevolent,  all loving, all giving.  If that is the case, his blood should be O-negative, the universal donor.  If that were true then the world would have a near infinite supply of blood for medical work.  It could potentially save the lives of millions.  People could mean it literally when they say that Jesus saved them.  There might be some side effects, though.  What if you got uproariously drunk from having a blood-wine transfusion?  I mean, some people might thoroughly enjoy that, but what happens when a 10 year old needs a liter after resetting a broken bone in surgery?  All right, I’m done being awful now.  For the moment anyway.

WCA Facility, Kansas City, United States Hegemony, Terra, 30 September 2012

  “Omega One, this is Omega Forward.  We have two contacts tagged North of your position.  Designating location as Nav point Delta on your map.” 

  “Roger Omega Foreward, we’ll check it out.”

  “Contact!  I have contact left.  Looks like a Cougar and a Bushwhacker.” 

  “Roger that, Omega Two, concentrate fire on the Bushwhacker.  Let’s take him down fast and we’ll mop up the Cougar after.”

  “Roger that Omega One, engaging target.”

  “Omega One, this is Omega Forward, be advised, we spot two Uziels coming your way.  ETA 40 seconds.”

  “Dammit!  Confirm Uziels Omega Forward.”

  “Omega Foreward confirms count of two Uziels Omega One.”

  “Two, watch you flank!  That Cougar is try to get behind you.”

Warning: Heat levels above suggested operating levels. Shutdown imminent.

Warning: Armor at critical levels.

Warning: Missile lock detec-

  “Omega One this is Base, do you read?”

  “Omega One do you copy?”

  “—————”

Hmm, ran out of LRM ammo, maybe I should try swapping out for PPCs instead. 

 ”Omega One do you copy?”

  “—————”

Too much heat.  I got cooked early on that one.  OK, take out the PPCs and switch to…no, not enough space.  If I switch over to the Shadowcat I can cram in one PPC and a Light Gauss cannon, which will take care of the heat issue and still give me plenty of punch.

  “Omega One do you copy?”

  “—————”

Gah.  Plenty of punch, not enough armor.  What do we have…the heaviest thing I’ve go is the  55 ton Catapult Omega Two has been using.  Don’t want to take that away from him, the NPCs are better at support fire than I am.  The Raven is way too small and the Hellspawn has a terrible configuration.  I guess I’ll have to keep trying with the Uziel and just find something that works.

  “Omega One do you copy?”

  “—————”

Eventually I succeeded using an Uziel with a loadout of one PPC, three ER medium pulse lasers, and a couple of Ultra AC 2s .  Oh, also luck, I swapped out a heat sink and some left torso armor to load up more luck.  My armor was scrap metal after that mission, especially considering a second Bushwacker showed up with a pair of Argus in tow.  Seven ‘Mechs, and I had one lancemate to help me kill them all.  But hey, I did. 

  I’m pretty sure I’m getting too into the Battletech thing right now.  I mean, I’m in the middle of reading the 17 Battletech books I bought at thrift stores recently, I’ve been discussing Mechwarrior RPG character concepts with David, I’ve tried playing around with Megamek but I’m not OCD enough to enjoy it (sorry David), and now I’ve torn half the house apart looking for my copies of Mechwarrior 4 and Mechwarrior 4: Mercenaries.  I found them if you couldn’t tell.  With all the free time I have at work ( which is a lot, just set in two to four minute intervals) I’ve been spending a bunch of time on sarna.net as well. 

  A couple of quick notes, and I’ll keep this one short.

I forgot how much remapping you have to do on all the commands if you don’t have a joystick for M4.

The Battletech books are meant to be read in order.  While I am doing what I can, I’m missing almost half the series, including the entire Twilight of the Clans.

I really really want to play the Mechwarrior RPG.

I really really wish there was another way than Megamek.

I understand that it is form of conflict resolution that can be used by multiple players over the Internet, but if I want to play a mechwarrior video game with friends, I’ll just wait until Mechwarrior Online comes out this summer.  Megamek lacks even the remotest sense of fluidity, which I consider the second greatest aspect of an RPG next to co-operative play with friends.  If I want to have a floor to floor fight between a Raven and a  Jennerin a multi-story parking structure, that would be cool, but Megamek can’t do it.  and if I want to put a ShadowHawk in a half nelson and use it as extra armor, well I’d be out of luck on that one too.  But I could move my allotted number of spaces, then turn in the desired direction, wait until everyone else has finished moving, target an enemy within range, and fire my weapons at it.  Click.  Combat resolution occurs. 

  That example was unfair.  I admit that.  MegaMek does allow you to do some cool things like kick stuff and perform Death From Above.  It even will let you equip your ‘Mech with the severed arm of another ‘Mech and use it as a club.  That’s pretty sweet.  And it’s not like I hate Megamek or believe it has no place in a Mechwarrior RPG campaign.  David showed me how you can purchase, equip, and manage an entire outfit, from a single warrior to as many regiments as you need.  You can then feed in upkeep like expenses and payments, and it will keep everything together and up to date.  It’s a fantastic logistics program that takes care of a ton of details that would bog down an RPG session, I’d just prefer if it was used that way. 

Sadly, I am taking my frustrations out on a computer program when my real issue boils down to this:  I’m not gaming enough.  I probably speak for most of my friends when I say that.  So if you find yourself in the area or online, look me up.  Gaming can happen anytime.

What comes out of a poster?

A POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST!  Oh wait, that’s not right.  I mean, I guess I could make a post about some cool poster I’ve seen recently, like that that one with the characters of the original Star Wars trilogy as an ’80s rock band.  That was cool, but that’s not really why I’m posting.  You may ask “Eric you handsome devil, why then are you posting?” and I would answer “Simply because I’m bored, you flatterer you”.  You see, I’m at work right now “Work you say? How is it then that you are writing this magnificent post?” .  Well, it turns out that for the time being my job is to sit in a tiny box and annoy people with questions about where they are going and who they are going to see and such.  If there are no people around to annoy, then I am left to find some way to entertain myself until the end of my shift, with nothing but the book I brought with me and an Internet capable computer.  “Aha!” you say, “The Internet will solve all of your problems”.  Sadly no.  I am utterly incapable of surfing the Internet for any great length of time before becoming bored with it.  It is not so much the fault of the Internet as it is that I do not like wandering the net aimlessly, and only have a few sites that I enjoy going to on a regular basis.  As those are mostly scientific journals in web form, they do not update frequently enough to keep me entertained every day.  So today I thought that I might write a bit and see if I can’t waste a few minutes that way.  The answer is apparently “Yes, I can”.  The issue that I have in making a post is that I don’t really feel that I have anything to contribute, so anything that I would write about would be meaningless.  Then I remember “Oh, wait, this is Spacklecube, where there is an entire post about the sport of the future being and endless loop of k’nex or LEGO technic or some such.  I can write whatever the heck I want”.  So here I am, posting in an effort to relieve boredom.  You know what?  It works.  But I still don’t have anything to go on about.  I mean, maybe I could sum up some of the science journal bits I’ve been reading, but it’s gotten a bit disturbing.  When you learn on the same day that they built a crystalline supercomputer more powerful than all the worlds computers combined, metallic DNA (called XNA) that evolves, and Artificial Intelligence that is growing at a rate that will soon have it surpass humanity, you begin to wonder.  Then you remember reading about the recent developments of self replicating living metal cells, and DARPA’s recent forays into building hunter-killer bots.  You can see where this is going… somewhere AWESOME!  Uh, or perhaps not if you’re a glass half-empty type.  But hey!  I also read about ridiculous inventions, like the bullet proof polo shirt!  It looks nice and can stop anything from a 9mm to an Uzi, designed by Miguel Caballero, only $12,000.  Sweet!  Also in-palm flamethrowers (8 foot flame!), wrist mounted crossbows, crossbows that shoot spinning disc blades (a video game favorite), and functioning jump-jacks. All this can only mean one thing: I am way underfunded!  I mean look how far I’m falling behind all of the other mad scientists out there.  I’m almost thirty and I still don’t have a single product that’s gone past the design phase.  Not for lack of will mind you, but apartment living and a paucity of power tools makes it difficult to build 10 foot powered armature and jet propelled go-karts.  Even the small designs like the non-combat fireball thrower (designed for use in the graveyard scene of Phantom of the Opera) would take a bigger budget and better tools than I’ve got at the moment.  But Soon!  Give me a couple of years and I’ll finally have a lab.  A lab filled with tools and materials to make my wildest dreams come true (Actually I would only be making some of my mildestdreams come true.  My wildest dreams are a bit out of reach with the way physics works at the moment).  Then I should have plenty of interesting things to post about.  Although it occurs to me that I will most likely have a different job by then and won’t be able to spend time at work posting, and I’ll have other things to do when I’m off work, so maybe I won’t post anything at all.  Oh, well, at least for now I can eat up some time and dream of the future (mildest dreams of course).  But for now I think I’ve done all of the posting that I care to, and I’ll go on to something else to placate my brain.  See you next pooooooooooooooooooooost!

Maybe this was a bad plan.

I shouldn’t write when I’m tired.  I know this.  It turns out poorly.  Also, I am being interr- yeah, that there, interrupted while I- dammit – while I write this.  Tired and distracted; I’m sure this will go well.  Wait, did I use that semi-colon properly?  Probably not, I have no idea how to use the semi-colon, that just seemed like a good place for it.  Hold on, I’ve been derailed.  I guess it doesn’t matter what I was thinking about.  Now I’m thinking of something else and if I don’t remember that other thing it probably won’t kill me.  I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ve got good odds on that anyway.  The not getting killed thing.  What kind of odds would that look like anyway?  I mean, I lead a relatively normal, danger-free life, so my not-getting-killed odds are probably great.  Maybe 1×101,000,000,000,000to 1 or something that I wouldn’t die from forgetting something that I was thinking about.  Maybe they would look a little different if I was defusing a bomb and running through the proper steps in order or something, perhaps remembering off the top of my head the ingredients and measurements to concoct complex medication.  But I don’t think writing a Spacklecube article is that potentially disastrous.  I don’t know, maybe Cyrus would disagree with me there.  Man, turns out that chewing on peppermints all day long makes you crazy hungry.  It wasn’t all that long ago that I had dinner.  I’m probably just keeping my stomach on high alert with the constant minor intake.  What?  Oh, distracted again.  Stuff going on.  You know.  Man, I always sound (read?) like I’m high when I’m this tired.  Hmm.  Done with that train of thought, moving on now.  So I’ve decided that Kansas City is designed specifically to manufacture bad drivers.  I have reasons for this, hear me out.  First of all, if there was some kind of “plan” when they started building highways around here, it must have been made by taking a photograph of a plate of spaghetti at M.C. Escher’s Italian cafe.  It’s freaking ridiculous and nigh impossible go get anywhere from anywhere else.  It’s not too bad at the outskirts, but the closer to downtown you go, the more the highway look as if they were originally the first place finger painting form Happydale Psychiatric Hospital.  Second (am I on second?), left hand exits.  They’re everywhere.  The left hand lane is the fast lane, its where everybody drives a million miles an hour and is reluctant to let anybody over and/or pass them.  This is not conducive to slowing or exiting.  It also leads to the third issue.  Mandatory lane changes.  On my way to work, I travel 22 miles on a single highway (I have it luckier than most).  From the time I get on the highway, until I exit that same Highway, I am forced to make eight lane changes.  Eight of them. Eight.  I cannot reach my destination without making three lane changes to the left, and then five lane changes to the right.  Because in Kansas City, you will have an on ramp on the right hand side that will add a lane to the road, and an exit on the left that will take a lane away.  Then some highway planner using a ouija board and some darts decides that there are too many lanes and cuts a couple from the left hand side.  The left lanes having been previously mentioned as the fast lanes, the drivers most willing to go fast, cut people off, drive aggressively and impatiently are thus forced into other lanes that are already occupied by less gung-ho drivers.  There is plenty of warning for these lane closers, usually up to a mile and a half.  That doesn’t stop people from speeding up to pass as many cars as possible before cutting someone off at the last moment before the lane ends.  Rantrantrant...  Okay, I might be done now.  With that anyway.  For balance’s sake, something I feel positively towards: Memory foam mattresses.  Holy crap, they’re great.  Like that statement should be made with Tony the Tiger like inflections great.  Not something I was inclined to notice until I switched, but wow.  Now I feel grumpy and annoyed every time I’m forced to sleep on regular old spring mattresses.  Some say they have their down side, that they get quite warm.  This is true, they do, I personally do not regard this as a bad thing.  I fully understand those who in the height of summer would prefer their mattress to stay as cool as possible as they sleep.  I am no one of those people though.  Warmth knocks me out.  Even if it’s already hot, a warm bed and some heavy blankets are what I need.  The memory foam mattress provides me the heat I want and throws in amazing full body comfort and support to boot (I’m aware the design priorities are the other way around).  I A-1 ACME Star double plus recommend these things.  Even if the warmth issue is a thing for you, the benefits over a spring mattress are worth it.  I haven’t woken up with a sore back in…*…a long time.  As a matter of fact, I should go make use of mine.  That seems like a great idea.  I will go do that thing.  I will end this post and go get some sleep.  Yeah, I should do that.  Right now.  End article,go to bed.  Dammit, it’s not working.  I’m still not at home, where my bed is.  I am in fact at work, where an uncomfortable chair and AN ENDLESS STREAM OF ANNOYING INTERRUPTING VISITORSare.  Though, here I am.  At a job where I can sit at the computer and type this so far nine hundred and seventy two word post on the Internet.  I guess complaining would be in poor taste.  I shouldn’t do that.  But oh, wait.  I forgot that listed here in my “Everyman’s God Given Rights” booklet is my right to complain regardless of my situation.  Because , you know, relativity.  I mean, maybe I’m not in a sweatshop on my feet for sixteen hours a day sewing shoes together, but by the same token, neither am I being paid ludicrous sums of money out of a trust fund for no good reason, with nothing better to do than fly around the world in my private jet doing cool things.  To be fair, even if it isn’t me I’m saddened that there aren’t more people who get to do that.  They say youth is wasted on the young, well I believe that money is wasted on the rich.  Rantrantrant…   Sorry, done now.  Actually, yeah.  I think I’m done now.

 

I’ve been busy, so here’s your filler.

So, like most of the cube’s crew, I’ve not been updating recently.  My excuse?  I only have so much energy that I’m willing to put in on work that I don’t absolutely have to do.  I am, as of this posting and some time before it, waaay over that line.  Being a nerd (which is socially acceptable now, I guess) and enjoying table top gaming (which still isn’t) I have been woefully deprived of a favorite past-time of mine since moving up to Kansas City.  I rather enjoy having a built in excuse to hang out with a bunch of my friends and bullshit each week.  Bonus: add in some escapism and the chance to blow off some steam through interactive fictional violence, and gaming is numero uno on the list of things to do in my free time.  Tragically, since the move, gaming buddies have been a bit scarce.  Then, a few weeks ago, Brenna and I went to Weston for no other reason than we were on the right highway and had nothing better to do.  We ended up in the pub for dinner and called Jessie to see if he’d like to join us.  He did, and lo and behold, he also missed the opportunity to game once in awhile.  So after some consideration He, Brenna, and I decided on a fantasy game and that I would GM.  Normally I despise GMing, but agreed because it would at least mean we get to play once in awhile (and that after this campaign I could say it was someone else’s turn).  Surprisingly, I have found myself thoroughly enjoying my role, and spending quite a bit of effort on prep work for the game.  Most recently I have spent most of my time not sleeping or working on designing a true old-school style dungeon, complete with traps, puzzles, montsters, and of course loot.  I’m still not done, but last night they began the dungeon, and seem to be enjoying themselves.  So, while I am still working on this thing (thirteen pages of notes and maps as well as over twenty quick refrence monster cards so far) my spacklecubingmay continue to suffer, please bear with me.  But to appease my (very small) audience, and postpone falling into no-post limbo, I have decided to put forth something that I had been thinking about, apropos of nothing.  Here it is:

 

Minor league teams tend to have more awesome logos than their major league counterparts.

 

My opinion, and my evidence, tell me what you think.

C.A.M.P. House Rules

I have pieced together the rules from various sources into a set that I think will be simple and easy to use without sacrificing the natural complexity and strategy of the game.  I propose that these be used as the official house rules in our games from now on.  Also if they remain posted here they will be easily accessible during the game.

Columbia Amateur Mahjong Players House Rules

Introduction to the pieces:

Coins or dots:

Each coin or dot represents a copper coin with a square hole in the center.

Bamboo or sticks:

Each piece of bamboo or stick (except for the first) represents either a hollow tube of bamboo filled with one hundred coins, or a string of one hundred coins capped by bamboo on each end.  The “One of Bamboo” piece is usually depicted as a bird.

Characters:

Each Character represents ten thousand coins, or one hundred strings of one hundred coins.

Wind Tiles:

Dragon Tiles:

Season, Flower, and Labor Tiles:

These tiles are considered optional, but the Season and Flower tiles will be used as part of these house rules.

Tiles One and Nine of each suit are known as “Terminals”, while tiles Two through Eight are  “Simple”.

Winds and Dragons are known collectively as “Honor Tiles”.

Set up:

First each player draws a wind tile.  This determines thier chair.  The chairs are arranged like this:

All 144 used tiles are placed upside-down on the table and shuffled.  Then each of the four players takes 36 tiles and builds a wall 18 tiles long by two tiles high.  These walls are then arranged in he center of the table in a square.  The player who is in the East position rolls two dice, then counts around the wall in a counter-clockwisedirection using himself as “one” untill reaching the sum of the dice roll.  This determines the wall that will be broken.  The player whose wall will be broken then rolls two dice and counts along top pieces of the the wall from right to left untill reaching the sum of the dice.  This determines where the wall will be broken.  That player then seperates the wall at the indicated position.

The Dead Wall: The dead wall is the first 14 tiles to the right of the break.  It is always 14 tiles, so even though tiles may be taken from the dead wall, it is remains counted off asthe first 14 tiles to the right of the break.

Dealing tiles:  Each player, starting with East and continuing counter-clockwise,  takes the first four tiles from the left of the break, or “live wall”.  This happens three times untill each player has recieved 12 tiles.  Then the East player takes two tiles, and the remaining players each take one tile.  When play begins with the East player, he or she will have 14 tiles and everyone else will have thirteen.  If any players have drawn a flower or season tile, that tile is placed face up to the side and a replacement is drawn from the dead wall, again with East going first and proceeding counter-clockwise.

Playing the game:

The East player decides which of thier 14 tiles they will discard.  Then places the discarded tile into thier “pond”, the area inside the wall closest to themselves.  Play moves counter-clockwise to South, who takes the first tile on the “live wall”.  South then chooses a tile to discard, places it into thier own pond, and play continues to West, then North, then returns to East.

When a player discards a tile, another player may claim that tile to complete a “Pung” of three identical tiles or a “Kong” of four identical tiles.  Only the most recent tile that was discarded may be claimed.  A discarded tile may be claimed to complete a “Chow” of three tiles of the same suit in sequence (2-3-4 of coins, 6-7-8 of bamboo, etc), but only by the player who was next in the sequence (South may claim a completed chow only if using East’s discard).  If multiple players wish to claim the same discard, priority goes to the following in order:

1. Claiming a tile to complete Mahjong

2. Claiming a tile for a Kong

3. Claiming a tile for a Pung

4. Claiming a tile for a Chow

In the event of two players both claiming a tile to complete Mahjong, the player next in play sequence has priority.

When a player claims a tile, the completed set is revealed, then put to the side for later scoring.  The player then chooses a tile to discard, places it into thier pond, and play resumes from that players right.  This may disrupt the play sequence and skip one or more players.

If a Season or Flower tile is drawn, that tile is immediately revealed and placed to the side for scoring later.  A replacement tile is then drawn from the dead wall.

If a player completes a Kong, the completed Kong is revealed and placed to the side for scoring later.  If the Kong was completed using a tile drawn from the wall, one of the tiles is placed atop the others face down to indicate a “Hidden Kong”.  If the Kong was completed using a discarded tile, then that tile is placed facing up on the other tiles to indicate a “Revealed Kong”.  In either case the player then draws a replacement tile from the Dead Wall to remain at 13 tiles.

A player that only needs one tile to win is in “Tenpai”.  A player in Tenpai that has not drawn a tile from the pond at any point during the current Hand may declare a “Reach”.  That player will then place a token or marker worth ten points into the pond.  That player must, from that point on, only discard the tile that they drew that pass.  If that player draws a tile that completes Mahjong and ends the Hand, they regain the 10 points and gain a bonus on the score for that Hand.  The player may claim the winning tile from the pond.

Winning:

When a player has a Hand complosed entirely of Chows, Pungs, and/or Kongs along with one pair of matching tiles, they have achieved Mahjong and won the Hand.

Scoring Rules:

Each player begins with an agreed upon amount of points depending on how long the players wish the game to last, usually between 500 and 5000.  After a player has declared Mahjong and ended the Hand, players add up the points in their respective Hands.  The winning player recieves points from all other players equal to his Hand’s full value.  The non-winning players each recieve a number of points equal to the value of thier hand from all of the other non-winning players.  Players may choose to compare hands and only give the difference in value between them.  The game ends when one player is out of points entirely or an agreed upon number of Rounds have occured.

Basic Scoring:

 

Additional Scoring:

The Limit

A point limit is usually determined before the game is started.  The limit is usually  1/4  to 1/2 the starting points given to each player, and is used to cap the number of points any one hand can be worth.

Special Hands

Special hands occur when a player declares Mahjong and his hand contains only a certain type, set, or style of tiles.  While there are numerous special hands accepted in various forms of Mahjong around the world, for simplicity’s sake these rules will only accept the following:

No Points Hand:  A Hand that completes Mahjong using only Chows and containing no Season or Flower Tiles is worth 20 points, and may then be doubled if it contains only one suit, has no Terminals or Honors or the player declaered a Reach.

Seven Pairs:  Exactly as it sounds, this hand is composed of seven pairs of tiles, being only one of two hands that may violate the rule requireing four sets and a pair to win.  This hand is worth 100 points.

Thirteen Orphans:  This hand consists of one of each dragon, one of each wind, a one from each suit, a nine from each suit, and one tile that matches another in the hand.  This is the only onther hand that may violate the rule requireing four sets and a pair to win.  This hand is very difficult to accuire and is worth the limit in points.

Three Color Straight:  A hand containing three Chowsof the same numbers in all three suits, i.e. 3, 4, and 5 of Coins, 3, 4, and 5 of Bamboo, and 3, 4, and 5 of characters. It must also fulfill the other requirements of a mahjong, containing another chow or pung, as well as a pair.  This hand is worth 300 points if it has any revealed components, and 500 points if the entire hand was hidden.

Straight: A hand containing the numbers 1 – 9 in one suit.  It must also fulfill the other requirements of a mahjong, containing another chow or pung, as well as a pair.   This hand is worth 300 points if it has any revealed components, and 500 points if the entire hand was hidden.

Big Three Dragons:  A hand containing a pung of each of the three dragons.  It must also fulfill the other requirements of a mahjong, containing another chow or pung, as well as a pair.  This hand is worth 400 points if it has any revealed components, and 700 points if the entire hand was hidden.

Big Four Winds:  A hand containing a pung of each of the four winds.  It must also fulfill the other requirements of a mahjong, containing a pair of any tile.  This hand is worth 400 points if it has any revealed components, and 700 points if the entire hand was hidden.

All Honors:  A hand containing only wind and dragon tiles, including the pair.  This hand is worth 300 points if it has any revealed components, and 500 points if the entire hand was hidden.

The Jade Garden:  A hand containing only green dragons, plus the 2, 3, 4, 6, or 8 of Bamboo.  This hand must conform to all other requirements of a mahjong.  The green dragons are not required to complete this hand, but are allowed, due to their color.  This hand is worth 300 points if it has any revealed components, and 500 points if the entire hand was hidden.

The Nine Gates:  A hand consisting of the numbers 1-1-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-9-9 of one suit, and any other tile of the same suit.  Statistically this is the most difficult hand to put together.  It is so difficult that a special “double limit” score is awarded for obtaining it.

Mahjong Events

Sometimes a mahjong will occur under special circumstances.  These are so rare as to confer a 20 point bonus to the hand regardless of it’s content.

One Shot:  This occurs when the player is dealt a winning hand, including their first draw.  If the dealer is dealt this hand, the bonus is doubled to 40 points.

To Scoop Up The Reflected Moon From The Seabed:  This occurs when a player draws the last tile of the live wall in normal play to complete a mahjong.

To Scoop Up A Swimming Fish From The Riverbed:  This occurs when the last tile that can be discarded in normal play, when no tiles remain in the live wall, is used to complete mahjong.

Doubling

Any player’s Hand may be doubled in value if it contains any of the following:

A Pung or Kong of the player’s own Wind

A Pung or Kong of the Hand’s Wind

A Pung or Kong of Dragons

A Season or Flower Tile coresponding to the player’s seat

The winning Player’s Hand may also be doubled in value by containing any of the following:

A Hand containing only one suit

A Hand containing only Terminals and Honors

A Hand containing no Terminals or Honors

If the Winner had declared a Reach

If the winner declaered a Reach and declared Mahjong before a full pass (each player draws and discards once) has elapsed

If the player was the dealer for that Hand

All basic scoring is completed before figuring doubled values.

A Hand may be doubled more than once, taking the basic score, doubling it, and then doubling the result.

Advancing to the next Hand or Round:

The game traditionally has four Rounds, each consisting of four Hands.  Each Round corresponds to a wind, as does each Hand within it.  The order is always as follows: East, South, West, North. This makes a complete game a minimum of 16 hands.  After a hand has been won, the dice are given to the player to the dealer’s right, making the next hand of the same Wind as the new dealer’s chair.  If the Hand was won by the dealer, then he or she remains the dealer and the Wind is unchanged.

Eye catching or bold statement

Tab in. The first statement, leading into the topic slowly. Broad generalization of things possibly relating to topic, with the intent to come back to these points later (this will not happen). Narrowing the subject matter without defining it outright. Introducing the first point, not related to those pointed out previously. Examining the given information from a particular perspective to give it the desired bias. A claim based on this observation, without which it would seem suspect. Using this claim as a foundation upon which to build towards the desired outcome. An unrelated detail that somehow backs up the first point. An editorial comment made to seem more legitimate by being bracketed by facts. Second detail used to bolster previous statement. Lead-in to second point before the first becomes belabored. The second point, delivered in such a way to seem factual. The first in a rapid series of facts meant to unbalance and impress the reader. The second in a rapid series of facts meant to unbalance and impress the reader. The third in a rapid series of facts meant to unbalance and impress the reader. An opinion or half-truth disguised as another fact. Discussion of second point using the facts and half-truth to make the statement seem plausible. Further discussion, leaning away from fact and toward the preferred bias to invite the readership to think in a like manner. Indicate image inserted to distract reader from critical thinking and display skewed statistical data in favor of intended point of view. Reference to data in image as proof of statement number two. Additional editorial comment to strengthen point of view. Hard sell idea by proposing it as only logical choice or making disparaging remark about opposition. Point number three is used as a follow-up because it has the most factual basis, putting the reader in a state of mind to think that all of the argument is backed by facts. Casually mentioned fact backing up third point. Fluff statement to make previous fact seem more casual. Observation of topic containing a fact that supports the proposed opinion. Evidence of truth of observed fact. Opinionated statement containing no facts but based on observation of topic. Reference to or quote by an authority on topic, taken out of context. Implication that quoted authority shares opinion on topic. Reminder that the quote is from a noted authority on topic, and not to be distrusted or disbelieved. Segue into unrelated fact that may or may not have any bearing on topic. Vague or seemingly unrelated fact. Clarification of how previous fact is the lynchpin of current opinionated statement (though not of the argument as a whole). Plead to reader to see enlightenment in previous assumption. Another fact to shore up statement’s defense. Connection from current course into an opening to change subject slightly. Fourth point, leading the reader onto safer territory to make the argument easier to accept as a whole. Softball majority opinion to ease reader state of mind. Piece of trivia, almost a real fact, that backs up the fourth point. Easy to digest observation, leading to opinion centering on fourth point. Slow detachment from basic argument into closing statement. Reiteration of overall opinion couched in safe terms for maximum agree-ability. Statement of position of sincerity.

General thanking of audience for time and consideration.

 

Because Basic is boring and Common is too…well, common